Have you ever brushed off a compliment, declined help you secretly needed, or felt a twinge of guilt for simply enjoying a moment of rest?
You’re not alone.
During a recent coaching session, two incredible women—Danya and Miki—opened up about something many of us wrestle with but rarely name: the discomfort of receiving.
Their insights sparked a powerful conversation that deserves to be shared, because for many high-achieving women, receiving doesn’t come naturally. It’s not that we don’t want support, joy, or rest—we’re just not sure we’re allowed to have them without “earning” them first.
Let’s unpack that.
Why Is Receiving So Hard?
When we dug deeper, here’s what Danya and Miki admitted:
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- “I have to work hard first before I receive anything.”
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- “I push away gifts because I don’t think I deserve them.”
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- “If I accept help, people will think I can’t do it myself.”
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- “Enjoyment feels… secret, like I’m cheating.”
Can you relate?
What shows up on the surface as pride, guilt, or control often has a deeper root: worthiness. We’re so used to measuring our value by what we do or give that we forget: receiving is not weakness—it’s wisdom.
Six Reasons Why Receiving Feels Uncomfortable
Here are six common reasons you might feel resistant to receiving—and none of them are personal flaws. They’re learned beliefs:
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- Scarcity Thinking
We’ve been conditioned to believe there’s never enough—of anything. Rest, money, time, love. So receiving without earning feels indulgent.
- Scarcity Thinking
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- Self-Worth Tied to Achievement
If you’ve ever believed “I’m only as good as my to-do list,” you’re not alone. This mindset disconnects us from our innate worthiness.
- Self-Worth Tied to Achievement
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- Fear of Vulnerability
Accepting help means admitting we can’t do it all—and that feels risky in a culture that glorifies independence.
- Fear of Vulnerability
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- Control and Perfectionism
Letting someone else support you requires surrender. But when our identity is wrapped in competence and control, surrender feels unsafe.
- Control and Perfectionism
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- Conditioned to Overgive
Many of us were raised to be caregivers, peacekeepers, or high performers. Receiving can feel selfish—even when it’s necessary.
- Conditioned to Overgive
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- Guilt and the Need to Repay
We often turn receiving into a transaction: “What can I give in return?” But true receiving doesn’t require a debt to be paid.
- Guilt and the Need to Repay
Joy Is Not a Luxury—It’s Essential
One of the most poignant moments in our session was this question:
“Do you give yourself permission to enjoy life when it’s messy?”
Miki replied, “No. I hunker down and try to organize the chaos first.”
Sound familiar? Many of us delay joy until we’ve “earned it.” But what if joy is not a reward for having it all together—but a birthright, available even when life feels incomplete?
Try the ‘Enjoyment Experiment’
Here’s a gentle challenge:
What’s one small way you can allow yourself to receive this week—no strings attached?
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- A compliment without deflecting it.
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- Help without apologizing.
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- A nap without guilt.
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- Beauty without explanation.
Danya planned a porch-decorating date with her husband.
Miki asked for help decorating her bedroom.
Their goal? To receive—not perform.
Yours can be just as simple.
You Are the Perfect Moment
You don’t need to clean up your life before you receive joy, love, or rest.
You are not a project to be fixed—you are a person to be nourished.
You are the perfect moment.
Want to Go Deeper?
Explore this theme more deeply in my two books:
📘 Savvy Woman in 5 Minutes a Day – Small, powerful shifts to help you reclaim joy and agency.
📗 The Gift of Receiving – Discover the liberating practice of receiving as a form of leadership and self-love.
Let this be your reminder: you don’t have to earn what you already deserve.
What’s one thing you’ll receive today?
